I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize