It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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