I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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