You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
