like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
