What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
