I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
