the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
