ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
