dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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