saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
