I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
