AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
