Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
