there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
