I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
lets start a swedish sibling band together
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
