How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
