It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
