Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
