I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
