My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
