We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
