I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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