Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
