This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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