Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
love makes seman taste better
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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