Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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