Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
