Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm passing your future prison.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
