if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I puked a lego.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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