she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
