dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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