yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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