You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
