So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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