Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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