had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Randomize
