I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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