As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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