Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
