You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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