Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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