i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Randomize