I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
