I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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