this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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