fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
