Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
