I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
