Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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