Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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