Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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