my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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