even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
