Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
