yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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