your parents love me but you hate me
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
