I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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