I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
