I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
