I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
