Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
