I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
