did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
