i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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