I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i now understand why vodka
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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