Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This is the high leading the old right now
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
